Heart and Soul
by lauren diane
Summary: A newly returned Riley Finn, and Spike, sporting a new soul, battle for a certain slayer's affection.


Heart and Soul  
  
By: ~*~lauren diane~*~  
  
Rated: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated with Buffy.  
  
Summary: The newly returned Riley Finn and Spike, sporting a new soul, battle over a certain slayer's affection.  
  
~*~  
  
I killed him. I sunk my cold, white teeth into the hot flesh of his neck and sucked the life out of him.  
  
Spike stopped, raised his hands, and ran them through his coarse hair. How did this happen? All he wanted was his power to kill back, and they restored his soul. Bloody hell, this was a nightmare. It seriously was. All day he remembered and agonized over every man, woman, or child he's ever taken. Is this what it was like for Angel? If it was, Spike felt sorry for him.  
  
"Make me what I was, so I can give Buffy what she deserves." That means make me evil and powerful again. Not give me a soul. How do I torture Buffy with a soul? A smart man would admit that she deserves to be loved and cared for, but Spike wasn't feeling too smart. For bloody sakes, he'd botched this situation up.  
  
It's not like Buffy would ever take him back. Not after what he had done. And she had told him she didn't love him.  
  
Why did this happen? Is it a punishment? He did deserve it. After all of the horrible crimes he's committed? They should chain him up and let his victims have their way with him.  
  
It couldn't be any worse than what he's about to experience. When he sees Buffy next, and she looks at him with disgust, he's going to want to die.  
  
Maybe he should leave town. Then he wouldn't have to see her or deal with the pain she always puts him through, literally sometimes.  
  
That's a great idea, Spike thought, as he headed to his crypt to pack his things.  
  
~*~  
  
Kick! Punch! Trip!  
  
Buffy Summers pulled out a stake and jammed it into the heart of the vampire. He turned to dust, screaming, "I'm gonna get you for this, slayer."  
  
Oh really, she thought. And how do you plan to do that from hell? God, vamps were hilarious. They had confidence clear until the end. Maybe even longer.  
  
Everything was so much simpler when she was slaying. There was the good: her. The bad: them. And the destroying of evil: her kicking their ass and sending them to their dusty end. Concentrating on that made it easier for her to forget about everything else.  
  
So much had happened that day that she didn't want to think about, but the mere mention of it brought it all flooding back to her. Willow tried to destroy the earth to get rid of sadness. She almost killed Giles, Xander, Dawn, in the process.  
  
Now she's at home in bed. All she can do is cry and sleep. She's dealing with so much. Tara's death, trying to destroy the world, hurting her friends, and killing a man in cold blood. Buffy understood, but she also knows what that had done to Faith, and she prayed Willow was stronger than that.  
  
Then there was Spike. Where was he? Buffy missed him. But why? The last time she saw him, he was running away after trying to rape her. But she loved him, as hard as it was to finally admit, she did. She was the one who had pushed him to those extremes. She kept telling him she didn't love him and wanted him to leave her alone. Granted, it gave him no right to do what he had done, but she could relate to the awful feeling of being pushed away.  
  
Wait, was that. "Spike?" Buffy called out to the figure walking in front of her. It had to be him. Who else walks around in the cemetery in the middle of the night? "A Demon" never entered her mind.  
  
"Buffy?" Spike called back, while turning around. The sight of her made him wish he could run to her, envelope her in his arms, and kiss her soft lips, but he couldn't. Not after all that's happened. So, instead, he turned around and started to walk away.  
  
What was he doing? She knew that he'd recognized her. He called out her name.  
  
She ran after him, "Spike, wait. We need to talk." As she reached him, she grabbed his arm and turned him towards her. He looked like hell. And his eyes, there was something different about them. "Where have you been?"  
  
Spike stumbled for words. "Been? Me? Oh, I've been around. You know me. Just hangin' out."  
  
"I've been looking all over town for you. No one knew where you were."  
  
"You were looking for me?" Why would she want to see him? Maybe he should tell her the truth. "It's a funny story really. I went to this guy, and I asked him to take the chip out of my head. You know, so I could be evil again." Buffy stepped back. "So it's gone?"  
  
"See, that's the thing. I didn't word my request right. What I said was 'Make me what I was, so I can give Buffy what she deserves.' And he took that as 'Give me a soul.' So." Buffy was silent. All Spike knew is that he needed to get out of there before he did something really stupid. "See, I told you it was funny." He turned, and started walking away, again.  
  
It took Buffy a while to comprehend what Spike had said. He had a soul. So they could never be together. Wait, she thought, his soul wasn't a curse like Angel's. He said he went to a guy and he gave him his soul back. So they could be together. They could be happy.  
  
By the time Buffy started after Spike, he was already in his crypt. She ran in after him.  
  
"Spike?" She stopped behind him.  
  
He turned around. "Buffy, what do you." He stopped when Buffy raised her hand to his chest.  
  
She was feeling for his soul. She knew it was crazy, but it felt warmer. He'd always seemed so cold, like steel. Now there was a layer of heat around him. It had to be his soul.  
  
Her other arm wrapped around his waste and pulled him to her. She reached for his lips with her own. It didn't take long for Spike to reach back. That night, for the first time, they didn't have sex, they made love.  
  
~*~  
  
Riley Finn boarded the plane headed for Sunnydale. He couldn't believe how tight security was these days. He'd been spoiled the past year, flying in the Initiative's helicopters. But those days were over.  
  
After sitting down, Riley reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out an old, wrinkled picture. He used to carry it around with him before he married Sam, but on his wedding day, he'd retired it to a shoebox of memorabilia he kept in the back of his closet. Two months ago he brought it back out and hasn't put it away since.  
  
Two months ago, when things with Sam started to turn sour. He supposed it was his fault, too. It was right after they returned from Sunnydale. Everything Sam would do pissed him off. It was never good enough. Then he'd remember how great life was with her: the girl who'd gotten away. That's when he started carrying her picture around again.  
  
Sam could tell there was something wrong, but it wasn't until she found the picture in his pocket that she'd said something. A long line of fights started, leading to her having an affair with their commanding officer and Riley leaving the Unit and his marriage.  
  
That's when he knew he needed to find Buffy.  
  
~*~  
  
Willow Rosenberg opened her eyes, stretched her arms above her head, and looked at the clock by her bed. 8:00pm. She'd slept all day. That was becoming a habit. The only time in the past two weeks she's been up was to go to the restroom.  
  
But she had to end this. She needed to rejoin the human race, before she became one of those bedbound people, like on Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.  
  
Willow put one foot at a time onto the floor. She slowly rose and walked to the door. When she opened it, Dawn was walking by.  
  
"Hey Willow. Goin' to the bathroom?" Dawn asked, anticipating a 'yes'. That's all she could get up to do.  
  
"Dawnie, hey. Yeah, but then how about I make us some supper?"  
  
It took her a second to comprehend. "Really? I already ate, but I could eat again." Did this mean she was better? Dawn hoped so. She hated seeing Willow so down.  
  
"Okay, just give me a sec." Willow said while going into the restroom.  
  
After dinner, Willow and Dawn sat at the table and talked.  
  
"It's definitely going to take time, but I feel better. Tara's always going to be with me." Willow felt better just talking about it with Dawn.  
  
"What about what happened with Warren?" Dawn couldn't grasp the fact that Willow had killed a man. Even if it was in grief, it wasn't Willow.  
  
Silence fell over Willow. She bowed her head, and Dawn saw a tear fall. She immediately regretted saying anything.  
  
"Willow, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I didn't think. God, I'm so stupid. I'm sorry."  
  
"Dawnie, it's okay." Willow raised her head. "I want to talk about it." She paused. "There's no way to make that right. I've tried to reason. 'He killed Tara.' 'He was a bad man.'" She grabbed Dawn's hand for support. "No matter what the reason, I still killed a man." She fell silent. "So where is everyone tonight?"  
  
"Um.Xander took Anya to dinner. It's their first date since the wedding that didn't happen. And Buffy went patrolling with Spike."  
  
~*~  
  
The night was calm as Buffy and Spike strolled through the cemetery holding hands.  
  
"I have to say, this is a strange date." Buffy smiled at Spike. They never went on conventional dates.  
  
"Well, this is what you get for dating a vampire."  
  
"I didn't say I didn't like it." She paused to kiss him. "It's so great being with you and having everyone know about us."  
  
"Well see, I told you all along that we should tell them."  
  
"I know. I should have listened to you." Buffy heard a rustle in the bush ahead of them. "What was that?"  
  
"What?" Spike didn't hear anything.  
  
"Did you hear that noise up there?" Buffy released Spike's hand and chased the noise.  
  
He ran after her. "Buffy, wait!"  
  
Buffy linked the noise to a tall figure walking in front of her. "Hey, wait." She ran after it and tackled the figure. She flipped him over and froze. "Riley?"  
  
"Hi Buffy." Riley slowly stood up and straightened his shirt. He hadn't expected this. So many scenarios filled his head about how the moment he saw Buffy again could go wrong, but he never imagined her to still be cozy with Spike.  
  
"Riley, what are you doing here?"  
  
"Yeah, aren't you supposed to be with your wife?" Spike inquired, walking up. This is just what he needed. Commando here, back to accuse him of doing something else wrong. Granted, the last time he was at fault, but he wasn't involved in anything evil now.  
  
"Um.right. My wife. Well I was just in town. I needed to talk to Buffy. It's nothing urgent, so maybe we can talk later." He started to walk away before adding, "I'm sorry to have interrupted your evening." With that he left.  
  
"I wonder what that was all about?" Obviously it wasn't about me, Spike thought. He would have loved to shove that out there.  
  
After a pause, Buffy thought aloud, "Probably just some new evil in town. But that's okay. I'll deal with it later." She turned to Spike. "Now where were we?"  
  
"We were discussing how I am always right."  
  
"Well, that's not how I remember it, but I guess it'll have to do." She tried to kiss him, but he held her back. "What?"  
  
"Maybe you should go talk to Riley." Spike couldn't believe he was actually suggesting it.  
  
"What? Why? He said it could wait." Buffy couldn't believe he was actually suggesting it.  
  
"But if there is a problem, we should deal with it now. This." he indicated them, ".can wait."  
  
"But Spike." she whined.  
  
"Buffy. Go." He turned her around and gave her a push in the direction Riley had left.  
  
She turned around. "You're not coming?"  
  
"I don't think that's a good idea. You know our history."  
  
"Okay. I'll be back." She kissed him. "Bye."  
  
"Bye Love." Spike watched Buffy sadly walk away, and he knew that something was going to happen. Something that was going to change everything. He could feel it in his soul.  
  
~*~  
  
Riley opened the door to his hotel room and went inside.  
  
How can she still be with Spike? He's a monster. Of course she has always had a thing for unconventional men. Angel, Spike, even he was a demon hunter. But Spike was evil. He had no soul.  
  
Maybe this was a mistake. She was obviously over him. But he loved her. He loved her so much. He tried to forget her, but it didn't work. His marriage failed because he couldn't get her out of his mind.  
  
"Riley?" He turned to find Buffy standing in the open doorway. He was silent, taking in the soft, innocent smile he loved. "So what big, bad evil jumped a train to Sunnydale this time?"  
  
Riley was brought back to the present by her voice. "What?"  
  
"Evil? Isn't that why you're here?"  
  
Riley stared at her, confused, before answering, "Evil? No. I was just in town. There's no evil in town. Well, there is I'm sure. I mean, this is Sunnydale, the keeper of the Hellmouth, but nothing I followed here." He cut off his jabbering with something he hadn't expected to say. "So you and Spike are together?"  
  
"Um.yeah." Buffy muttered, hesitantly. "But why did you come to town, Riley?"  
  
"Are you happy?" he asked, ignoring her question.  
  
"Yes, Riley. I'm happy. But what does this have to do with you?" Buffy was starting to get upset and nervous.  
  
"That's what I needed to hear."  
  
"Riley, what's wrong? If you're not here chasing evil, then why are you here?"  
  
Riley didn't know how to answer. He didn't know if he should tell the truth, or lie. So he decided to plead the fifth. "It's nothing. It doesn't matter now. But hey, I have to hit the shower and get to bed. I have an early flight tomorrow."  
  
Buffy went to Riley's side. "Tell me what it is? If it was important enough to come all of the way here, then it's important enough to tell me now. So out with it."  
  
Riley hesitated, then gave in to his desire to tell her how he felt. "I love you."  
  
Buffy was speechless. Riley? Loved her? Is this the same man who was happily married two months ago?  
  
"Are you going to say anything?" The silence was killing him.  
  
"What about your wife?"  
  
"I left her. We were fighting all of the time. She couldn't compete with you." He decided to leave out the part about her finding the picture. It was a little creepy.  
  
After a pause, Buffy spoke. "What do you expect from me?" Her life was finally how she wanted it. She was happy and in love. Then he charges back in to her life and makes her question everything in a matter of seconds.  
  
"I don't expect anything from you, Buffy. I messed up. I waited too long and now you've moved on."  
  
"That's right. I've moved on. But do you want to know how long it took me? Until two weeks ago. That's when I finally gave in to the idea of falling in love again. I'm finally happy and now you decide to come back and fuck everything up for me?"  
  
"Buffy, I." She didn't let him finish.  
  
"No. I'm not done, yet. You left me, Riley. You don't get to do this." Getting over him was the hardest thing she had ever had to do, she wasn't about to let him back in.  
  
"Buffy, I left because you wanted me to. I didn't want to go, but you didn't want me to stay." He couldn't explain the pain he felt when Buffy didn't try and stop him.  
  
"I did want you to stay."  
  
"Then why didn't you stop me from leaving?"  
  
"I tried! I was there. I stood there calling your name, and you didn't see me. I was ten seconds late, and you were gone." Buffy started to cry.  
  
"You were there? So you still loved me?" He thought she wanted him to leave that night, but she didn't. She still loved him then, after everything that he had done, so she must be able to forgive him now. This changed everything.  
  
"Of course I still loved you. I can't just turn off my emotions that quick like you."  
  
"What do you mean 'like me'?"  
  
"Oh please. A year after you left, you came back married. How long did it take for you to get over me?"  
  
"It took forever, or it will. I'm not over you, Buffy. You are the only person I've ever truly loved. It will take me a lifetime to get over you."  
  
"I can't deal with this now." She started to leave.  
  
"Buffy, wait." She stopped, without turning around. "My plane leaves tomorrow morning at 6:45. If we still have a chance, please stop me."  
  
"I can't." And with that, Buffy left Riley alone to contemplate the outcomes of tomorrow.  
  
~*~  
  
Buffy walked around Sunnydale for hours thinking about everything Riley had said. He was still in love with her. How could this be? She was finally happy with Spike, and now he comes back and messes everything up.  
  
But she didn't have to let him. She loved Spike. She was happy with him. Riley would get on that plane tomorrow and never come back. That would be fine with her.  
  
What is she thinking? This is Riley Finn. The man that made her love for Angel seem childish. The love they shared was the kind Buffy had longed for as a child.  
  
But he had hurt her so bad. Seeing him with his wife, so happy. So she thought.  
  
Was that true? Was she really the cause of their breakup? Two months ago, she wanted to be that person. But now, she was happy.  
  
She approached Spikes crypt and hesitated to go in. He would be able to read her face. He was wonderful like that. She loved him so much. She just didn't know if it was as much as she loved Riley.  
  
She walked in to find Spike watching TV from his bed. She couldn't believe he had cable in this old place.  
  
Spike looked up. "Hey Buffy. What happened?"  
  
Buffy broke down. She couldn't help it. It was okay though. If she told Spike, he would know what to do.  
  
He jumped up and ran to her side just in time to help her to the floor. "Buffy, what is it? Are you all right?"  
  
"He told me that he still loves me, and that he wants me back. And I don't know what to do." Tears covered her face as she grasped Spike's arms for support.  
  
He had been feeling this all night. He knew something was up. Now he knew what he had to do. He lifted her up and carried her to the bed. "Maybe we should talk."  
  
"I'm so sorry to do this to you. This was supposed to be our date."  
  
Spike laughed. "It's okay. I won't hold it against you." He paused, trying to find the courage to say the next words. "You need to be with him."  
  
Buffy's head flew up. "What?"  
  
"You need to be with Riley. I'm leaving town."  
  
"No, Spike. I want to be with you." Why was he doing this? She loved him. Even if she was confused, she knew she didn't want to lose him.  
  
"Buffy, let's be honest here. What kind of life could we have? I'm a vampire. I can't give you children. I'm not going to age. There is no record of me, so we can't get married. I can only come out at night. I have nothing to offer you."  
  
"We can have a happy life. I don't need those things. I love you."  
  
"But you also love Riley. Someone who can give you what you really deserve. A happy, uncomplicated life. A normal life." He wanted her to be happy, even if it wasn't with him.  
  
"What's so great about normal?"  
  
"Everything." He hugged her. "Now go to him."  
  
Buffy looked at the clock on his nightstand. It was 6:15am. "Oh my gosh. I have to go. If I'm going to catch him before his plane leaves, I have to go."  
  
"Then what are you still doing here?"  
  
Buffy gave Spike one last kiss. "I love you. You will always be in my heart."  
  
"And you will always be in my soul." Spike watched Buffy run out of his life for good.  
  
~*~  
  
Buffy ran into the airport and up to the front desk. She looked at the clock behind the clerk. It was 6:42. "Ma'am. Hi. I need to find a plane that is scheduled to leave in three minutes. I need to talk to someone on there."  
  
"Miss, I'm sorry, but I'm sure if it is supposed to leave, they're already on board and ready to go. There's no way I can find out which one before they take off."  
  
"No please, you have to. Just find out what plane Riley Finn is on and stop the plane. Call them and tell them they can't go yet."  
  
"I'm sorry, miss, but I can't do that. I could lose my job."  
  
"Please. You don't understand. This is my last chance for true happiness." Why couldn't this woman understand?  
  
"True happiness, huh?" A familiar voice came from behind her.  
  
Buffy turned around. "Riley!" She ran to him and jumped into his arms. "You're not gone. I was so scared that I was too late again."  
  
"You're right on time." He pulled her back and kissed her. He'd been waiting for over a year to do this.  
  
"But how did you know I was coming? You're plane is boarding and about to take off."  
  
"Well, not exactly. My plane doesn't leave for another hour. I told you 6:45 just in case you were late again."  
  
Buffy laughed, and kissed him again. She couldn't believe she finally had Riley back, and that she was really happy again.  
  
~*~The End~*~ 


End file.
